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Shoot through my mind with,
With ice of last summer,
The ice grows...
Paint your name with,
The knife and the needle,
The blood stalls...
Calling to your god,
My art form,
Gave to you.
And I paint like Dali,
He sings of the snake
And you..
©2004-2009 ~6robyn9
:icon6robyn9:

Author's Comments

Aww, he loves Faith ...

Basically, this guy is in love with this girl called faith, but they split up because all she wanted was sex and he wants love, carved her name into is arm, bloody mess, etc. Dali painted about sex a lot. I think that he wasvery curious about it and expressed that in his work. The guy in the poem is curious about sex too, I think he enjoys it physically but doesnt quite get what its all about emotionally... hes really confused.


(I put that up cos no-one gets this!)

Comments


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:iconm00n1e:
Hmm.. from what you said in IM and reading this again, i think it might be a lot clearer if you did a stave from her point of view.

Nice imagery though ;)

--
"Feelings are so fatal in the fall"

Member of ~macrophoto
:icon6robyn9:
Thanks!

Her point of view isn't important really, she hasn't really done anything wrong except be horny, and he doesnt always want that.

--
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but say your mother."
:iconm00n1e:
hmm... in that case... perhaps change the ice reference to fire... ice suggests quite the opposite of horny.

--
"Feelings are so fatal in the fall"

Member of ~macrophoto
:icon6robyn9:
No!!! He's not horny! Thats the point!

--
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but say your mother."
:iconm00n1e:
Then somewhere in between. Perhaps change a line like "With ice of last summer," to something like "your fire turns to ice". As it is, without reading the blurb it's hard to tell why he's pissed off.

--
"Feelings are so fatal in the fall"

Member of ~macrophoto
:icon6robyn9:
no.

--
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but say your mother."
:iconm00n1e:
May i ask what the point of you uploading stuff to here is, if you're just going to reject people's opinions without explanation? The point of this is to recieve constructive criticism to improve your work, not to say "no" when someone makes a valid suggestion.

--
"Feelings are so fatal in the fall"

Member of ~macrophoto
:icon6robyn9:
well there criticism, and people going on, but I've apologised, so lets drop the conversation, i dont want to argue with you

--
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but say your mother."
:iconspasmodicsquid:
Er can i just pip in and say i think you should keep the line, its perfect how it is, good job. :horny:

Details

February 8, 2004
387 bytes
76.7 KB
1722×1148

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Camera Data

EASTMAN KODAK COMPANY
KODAK DX4330 DIGITAL CAMERA
1/32 second
F/2.8
8 mm
Feb 7, 2004, 7:15:59 PM

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